The night before

After putting the kids to bed I am getting nervous about tomorrow. It's only through the grace of God and the countless people praying for Roland and our family that we are able to get through this.

I'm scared also. I'm scared that Roland will have to have an IV in him which would count as a needle stick to him. He really doesn't like that. Last time we went to get his CT scan he asked me not to let them "stick" him. I said I promise because I knew they won't. I won't be able to make the promise this time.

I'm scared that they are going to have to remove his left testicle. Maybe it's a guy thing. I know that it won't affect his ability to have children and I know it won't affect his testosterone production, but it's taking something away from my son that he came into this world with. We haven't told Roland about this. Maybe that's a mistake, we're not sure but we don't see a need to tell him and possibly scare him too. He'll be in pain that area, and he'll have medicine for the pain.

I'm most scared that the doctor is right and that his tumor is malignant. I have tried so hard to prepare myself but I'm not sure you can. We will have to wait about an hour or so after he goes in before we know. I have prayed and prayed that this does not come to pass but if it does it is God allowing it so I will accept it and we will deal with it.

I'm also worried about Gina. She is the most wonderful person I have ever known. She gives so much to our family, friends and strangers she just meets. She gives and gives and when done, she gives some more. I love her so much. She, along with others, thinks the tumor will be benign despite the doctor saying that the tumor being malignant is the "most likely scenario". I'm worried because I think it might hurt her that much more. I know I'll have to be strong for her and for Roland.

I want to take this time to once again thank all the "prayer warriors" we have praying for Roland and out family. This journey would be so much more difficult without you all. We have been touched by the countless e-mails and many, phone calls. It, along with Jesus Christ, have given us the strength to persevere in this most difficult of times. Please keep the prayers coming, God is listening.

The schedule for tomorrow is:
7:00am - We get to the hospital and we prep him for surgery.
8:00am - Roland should be going into surgery.
9:00am - His tumor will be biopsied.
9:20am If malignant he will have a portacath inserted into his shoulder.
10:00am - He should go to recovery.

Gina and I will be able to see him as soon as he wakes up. When he's fully awake he'll be moved back to where he started and everyone else will be able to see him. He'll have some medicine for the pain in his groin and the possible pain in his shoulder.

I hope people understand we won't be able to call right away but we will let people know as soon as we can. I'll update this blog as soon as possible when we get home but we will have a child who will need a lot of tlc no matter what.

Sorry this post was so long, I guess I had a lot to say.

I'm going to post a picture of our family from a much happier time.